I have lots of strengths, but I also have weaknesses. I'm supposed to explore my dark side, the side i surpress, that I don't let out. I know it's there and I know it takes energy to surpress it but what's the alternative? Anyway here goes.
I think I have the weaknesses of the choleric and the myers briggs type being and INTJ.
I'm intolerant. I don't suffer fools. Stupid pisses me off. Actually stupid people doing stupid stuff doesn't bother me too much, it's intelligent people doing stupid stuff. Especially people who are insecure and have something to prove. Chip on the shoulder types. I'm usually smarter than most people so I can tell they're faking it. Can't tolerate wannabe's. Don't like lazy people, bludgers or people with no initiative.
I really disapprove of fat people, especially when I see them stuffing themselves with junk food, probably because I'm so disciplined in my eating.
I clash with smart arses. Arrogant people who think they're smart. I really bite. I can hold it in for a little while, but then I have to bite and put them back in their box. Like the guy at Fitzroy crossing when I got into an argument about how cats got to Australia. Idiot.
I respect people who are secure, authentic, strong, able to put their arguments intelligently, who say stuff that is thought through. I like it when people can match me, i respect that. Respect with me is earned. I can lose respect for you and it's hard to get it back once I've written you off.
I am argumentative. I will argue a point ad nauseaum. I think I'm pretty much always right. Even if I'm not sure, I'll argue, because I want to see if my point stands up. If you can keep up and go toe to toe with me, then I might see your point, after a while - like in a day or so. Sometimes I'm just stating an opinion or idea, but it sounds to the listener like a statement of fact, so often people don't bother to disagree. I hate backing down. I always justify myself.
Not empathetic. Honestly, I have no idea how other's feel. I can only imagine, but I can't feel it.
I don't talk to my parents or sisters much, like maybe every six months or so. The other day mum rang and I didn't take the call cos I couldn't be bothered... I was tired I think. So I guess that means I'm not that close. I do love them though.
I'm not very emotional... not that I know of. Probably more like I'm emotional but I don't know it. Anyway, I lack the language of emotion and I'm not really in touch. The main emotions I have are contentedness, anxious, impatient, angry, frustration, despair. I never get ecstatic or over-excited about anything.
I can be pretty cold. Like my dad. I can shut down emotionally and go through the motions and operate entirely out of logic. For a fair while. Until I burned out that is.
I express love in terms of loyalty, responsibility, comittment, faithfulness, strength, consistency, protection, and bringing out of potential. Challenge. Inspire. Give vision.
I'm not sensitive. I'm not particularly gentle or patient. I'm impatient and often fairly abrupt - not rude, but sometimes a bit short. When drained, I really don't care about anyone else. I don't give a stuff and I don't feel guilty about that.
I don't like to talk too much and I don't like to listen too much. I get overwhelmed with verbal diahorrea and can't process language that doesn't get to the point quickly. I'm not a great listener. I'd rather find a solution quickly, than go through the torture of listening to the person get it all out when I already think I know where they're going. That means I'm not good at validating other's unless I really concentrate and focus. Regardless, it's draining. I'm thinking about what I'm going to say when the other person's only halfway through talking. I interrupt because I already know what they are going to say.
I am agressive in my approach to life and problems. I'm not often aggressive toward people unless they really really piss me off. Then I bite. I feel a lot of agression usually. That makes me fairly strong and domineering sometimes. I know how to be intimidating, although I resist this usually.
I resist domestication. There is something wild in me that won't be tamed or emasculated. I'm a man. I crave adventure, risk, challenge, the outdoors. But I don't think I'm a chauvinist.
Being an introvert, I max out if I have people in my face all the time and can't cope after a while. I need space, my space, to be alone and process my thoughts and gather my energy. I'm driven toward solitude and other introverts.
I used to hate saying sorry. Mostly because i rarely feel sorry. Even when I've upset someone or hurt someone, I actually rarely feel sorry, so I don't bother going there. I probably see saying sorry as admitting a fault and maybe a bit weak. If I really have blown it, I apologise and move on. This seems to be unsatisfactory because I don't display emotions of regret or empathy for the one who is wronged, so they don't feel like I'm sorry and they feel blown off. That's their problem I guess.
I'm very headstrong, logical (I like to think but doubtful) and can be idealistic and a perfectionist, driven kind of way. Sometimes I'm not realistic. I used to have high standards for myself and others around me. Fortunately this has changed a lot, but I'm still headstrong. That's the thinker.
I have a lousy memory. Maybe it's surpression, but how would I know if I can't remember?
I don't think I'm a good people person one-on-one. I think I'm good with groups and even better with crowds in a leadership capactiy. Otherwise I hate crowds.
I hate acting and putting on a face. I dislike small talk and superficiality. I don't like wearing masks or other's who wear masks. I prefer authenticity, transparency and the genuine. I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of person.
I really don't give a rip what people think of me usually. Although persistently critical people piss me off and I don't have time for them. I always wonder why they don't just bugger off and get a life. I would love to line them up and list all their faults! It's so tempting not to let them have it. I don't though. I don't indulge the luxury. Not in my position anyway. I let wife have it though. I don't say everything I feel because it would be hitting below the belt, but i go pretty close.
I could be a pretty nasty person if the occasion arose. More in a cold calloused way than an overt deliberate way. I don't go out of my way to create confrontation or hurt people, but if someone gave me the finger and overtook me, and then got pulled up by the cops for speeding I'd laugh my head off and give them a cheery wave to rub salt into the wound and feel good for the rest of the day. Even better if they pranged their car. If it was a total wreck I would stop and see what I could do, but if it was just a bit of damage, I'd keep going.
If someone tried to hurt my wife or kids I would kill them or maim them severely and not regret it.
I don't cry, unless God is touching my heart. But I rarely cry with or for others or myself. Maybe last time was Annie's funeral.
Usually because I'm "J" i don't like to "go with the flow" and be flexible, i like to be planned and organised. Burnout has changed that.
I'm not very motivated anymore because of burnout. I can't be pushed, won't be pushed. I'm not really trying to achieve anything except replenishing my strength. I've given all I've got and there's nothing left. So don't expect anything. I'll help if I can, and won't if I can't.
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of right now.
so wife wants separation. the logic goes something like "we're both hurting each other, neither of us can cope with it anymore, we're both feeling raw, surely we would be better off out of this relationship blah blah blah."
And to think, the hypocrisy of the situation is, that she wants to separate because i'm unfaithful. News to me! In what way am I unfaithful? Apparently I haven't fulfilled my covenant vow to be one with her... I go away at times, to seek peace and solitude, I might go fishing, might go for a bike ride with mates, and somehow that violates my covenant, therefore I'm unfaithful and she deserves better. In fact, she says she deserves to be with someone who will love her. As if I don't!
So, her ideal of marriage is not the same as mine. So what is mine?
When I close my eyes and think of the perfect marriage, I see a couple who know each other inside out... strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, dreams and aspirations. They give each other the freedom to be who they truly are destined to be. The love each other regardless of their performance, their qualities, or their failures, because they have chosen to. They enjoy each other.
They are interdependant so they are a team when it comes to raising the family and accomplishing shared goals, but they are not co-dependant and can function without the other, although of course would prefer not to. They share their lives, however they have their own life too, own pursuits and passions. So it's two lives, becoming one, not two halves becoming one.
It is the ultimate friendship with intimacy. Their strengths complement the other's weaknesses. They respect each other because they realise to achieve their destiny they need the other. But in needing the other, they realise that even within 'oneness' they still retain their individuality, complete with personality, strengths, gifts, passions and potential.
They don't judge each other or condemn. They don't impose their standards of behaviour on the other by some arbitrary rule because this produces a relationship based on performance and engenders criticism and a focus on weaknesses. Rather, they accept each other, because they have been accepted themselves warts and all by God Himself, therefore who are they to try and change the other. Acceptance is the foundation of the relationship. They are considerate of the other.
They are comfortable with the other. They don't need the other to change to make them happier. They don't expect the other to meet ALL their needs and are grateful for the needs they do meet. They take FULL responsibility for their own emotional, spiritual and physical needs and encourage the other to do the same. This means that growth occurs.
Adaptation occurs over time. It would be impossible not to. This is a good thing. For example, wife no longer believes that husband is the head of the house. For me to continue to believe that and conduct myself accordingly would be futile. This might work for others, but for us that dog is not going to hunt. So... there is no head here...
They bring out the best in the other. They see the potential. They appreciate the differences and are comfortable with that. Therefore because they have differences they give each other freedom to pursue those differences secure in their love for each other. They are not afraid of individuation. That means they won't be together all the time, they won't be in each other's pockets and suffocate each other.
They don't try and change the other to suit themselves or be like themselves. they don't superimpose their strengths on the other and expect the same. That would be either arrogance or co-dependancy. They don't blame the other for anything. Blame is never useful.
They should have good friendships with others and have time for other friends who are supportive of them and their marriage and their values because this is healthy.
Their shared responsibility for the home and children is simple. They operate in their strengths. They defer to the other where the other is more capable or gifted. In areas where neither are strong, they get help and find a creative solution.
I like xxsmall, its fun.
So here I am again, posting, day two.
Im sitting at my computer, writing in my journal, and facebooking. Probably should be doing homework... Will probably go do that next, at least some of it...
Also, class at 6... Dont really want to go, but definitely don't have a choice. I missed last week's class because I was sick. Yck, stomach flu.
Well, I should go. I'll be back again later. Bye bye now loves. <3
Ok I admit it Im as very mean/bad person... So the guy Matt (who I am over just for the record!) Well I kinda had my friend Katy bring up the time when I got him to dress up as Minnie Mouse and put on miss matching high heals, walk up the stairs and dance in front of his parents. Anyways when she reminded him of this I wish I had been there! The look on his face must have been Priceless!!��I know its not the nicest thing to do but he deserved it, well maybe not but I think he did because he has been a total a** lately��well I will wtyl bye!
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